Funniest One Liners Ever Heard
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Funniest One Liners Ever Heard

They asked me to follow my dreams. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t walk into the. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. 45 Funny Christian Jokes Canva/Parade 1. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in 2023. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. Game-Changer for Americans in. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. ” Groucho Marx “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when youre with your friends. If women were boogers, Id pick you first. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. The 20 best one-liners ever. Don Baird / Getty Images Advertisement 2. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. com/_ylt=AwrFNKTruFZk8mIogqtXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1683433836/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fparade. “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. 80 Hilariously Funny Jokes 2023. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. The 20 best lines from W1A “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. 4653 Funny One Liners. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. 42 of the funniest lines youve heard on the golf course. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. I just got my doctors test results and Im really upset about it. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Wayne While Wayne and the others are often busy with chorin they certainly still make time for a lot of immature conversations. Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Reply 9 69ingJamesFranco • 9 yr. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. Golfer A: “Let’s get a group photo here on the first tee. Funny>75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t. One liner tags: people, puns. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. One liner tags: puns. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. If youd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection of medical puns. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. One of the classic best one liners. 101 Good, Clean Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh. ]” [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. 101 Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. This one is so bad you just have to laugh at it. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. 180 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. 1) “Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. The 20 best one-liners ever. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. 50+ Funny One Liners To Tell Friends. 1) Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. It is confirmed that taller people sleep longer. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. I finally found a book on how to solve half my problems. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. - Demetri Martin Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. 62 Worst Pickup Lines (Cringy, Bad, Dumb). (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. The barman says, Sorry we dont serve food in here. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly “dumb” joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. ” Tom Ward (2015) “I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just. ” 3) “What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink? [Booze]” I threw a boomerang a few years ago. 150 Funny One Liners to Get You Giggling All Day. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants! I poured root beer in a square glass. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. One liner tags: puns. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Funny one-liners 1. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Funny one-liners 1. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. Extremely Funny One Liners. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. Please continue while I take notes. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. Some of the best jokes and one-liners youll ever hear come over the course of 18 holes with buddies, or even with strangers. Spend $500, Get $200 Fast With This Top Card. One liner tags: blonde, death, sarcastic, time 85. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. Friday is my 3rd best F-word after food and f…! Next: 69 Wine Jokes to Unwind Your Day. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. Its incurable and you have three weeks to live. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. The cops have nothing to go on. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. ” (Long pause) Golfer B: “Yeahhow ‘bout YOU take it?” — @JerryLouLooper ————————- 41. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Transfer Your Debt and Pay 0% Interest Until 2024. He was known for double meanings embedded in. Funny Jokes About Friday. My friend said: “You have a BA, a. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. I had a dream about being a muffler. ” — @BHGolfEquipment ————————- 40. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! 3. is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit>What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. 36 Witty & Wacky Icebreaker Jokes To Tell At Your Next Meeting. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. “A computer once beat me at chess. ] [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Irreverent and honest, this one pickup line will get you a laugh when you deliver it right. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. I went back to sleep right away. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. 148 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. However, it was Groucho Marx who became the reigning king of comedy in the 1940s. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. What was Moses wife, Zipphora, known. What are some of the best one liners you have ever heard? Try these on for size: a collection of our favorite gags from some of the worlds greatest comedians. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. The doctor says, Youve got a rare form of cancer. The 20 best one-liners ever. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Parties, school, worktheyre guaranteed to make you the coolest cat in town. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. In this full special from Dry Bar Comedy, Geechy Guy lays d. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. You Can’t Help but Laugh At>175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. What did the grape say when it got. 25 hilarious dad jokes that will make you laugh and groan. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. But dont worry, it is at the bottom of the things I want to do. The man says, Give me the bad news first, Doc. Rodney Dangerfield nailed it. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. I knew it! I wanna see my real parents ! Dad replies, We are your real parents, son. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they. Best Dad Jokes of All Time. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line. 135 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. 45 Funny, Clean Christian Jokes You Could Tell in Church. One was assaulted. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown 3. I should have asked for a jury. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #120 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fry-days. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Lets be honest, Im not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. One liners are great. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. Its never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Thats when I knew we werent gonna work out. He approaches the dead mans wife, and asks if he could say a word. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. Best One Liners Ever With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright, too. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. He was so good, I don’t even care. 110 of the funniest ever jokes and best one. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. Thorax: A Dr. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. One liner tags: puns, sport 85. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. One liners are great. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help But Laugh At. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. Funny one-liners 1.